The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy, happiness, and being with loved ones. But for families going through a difficult time, this season and its expectations can feel like a burden, intensifying emotions and making it harder than ever to get through the day.
According to a 2023 poll from the American Psychological Association, 89% of adults in the United States say that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones, and anticipating family conflict cause stress during the holiday season.
Holidays can be overwhelming for everyone, even kids. No matter what kind of challenge your family is facing — whether it’s grief, divorce, illness, financial struggles, or anything else — there are ways to cope during this difficult time of year.
We put together some tips for what you can do to help your kids when the holidays are hard:
Have an open conversation
If your family has recently gone through a difficult experience, loss, or change, your kids may be feeling complicated emotions about the upcoming holiday. Have an open and honest conversation with them, and let them know they can come to you whenever they need to. Be there for them, and help them navigate whatever they’re going through.
Younger kids might need some extra help navigating their emotions. If they don’t know how to explain what they’re feeling, you can use a feelings chart or give them some examples of different emotions. You might also need to explain what different emotions feel like in their bodies. For instance, a stomach ache, tight chest, or fatigue could mean they feel upset.
Encourage your kids to share their feelings, but respect their boundaries, and don’t force them if they’re not ready to talk yet. If you share how you’re feeling, it can also give your kids permission to share their own feelings.
If they do choose to share, validate their feelings. This may mean accepting the fact that you or your family won’t feel okay during Christmas, and that’s okay. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s normal to feel this way, and you’re not alone.
Set expectations
The holiday season can come with many expectations, and the pressure of trying to create the “perfect” Christmas for yourself and your family can be overwhelming and emotionally draining. Don’t expect too much from yourself, and let your kids know what’s going on so they know what to expect, too.
Depending on what your family is going through, Christmas may look different than what your kids are expecting. By explaining this beforehand, you can help them manage their expectations so they have a more positive experience during the holiday.
Get your kids involved in the holiday planning. Discuss which activities you want to participate in, and decide as a family what events to attend. If you can’t do everything you want to this year, this process can help you prioritize. If you’re unable to do some of the things your kids want to do, emphasize what they do have, such as people who love and care about them.
Celebrate your own way
Don’t compare your own holiday to what you see in Christmas movies or advertisements. Remember the media doesn’t reflect reality, especially for families who have gone through something difficult. The holidays look different for everyone, so don’t put yourself in a box.
It’s okay if your family doesn’t celebrate the holidays in a traditional way. Make new traditions that align better with where you are in your life now. These can be activities you do just this year, or they can become new annual traditions for your family.
If you or your kids aren’t in the mood for carols, decorations, or parties, don’t force yourselves to participate. You don’t have to feel obligated to celebrate a certain way just because you feel like you “should.” You may feel a sense of obligation regarding certain traditions or activities, but that doesn’t mean you have to do these things. Instead, celebrate the holidays in whatever way feels right for you.
Practice self-care
The holidays often make a difficult period feel even more difficult. One of the most important things you can do during this season is take care of yourself. Your feelings matter, so take the time you need to process your own emotions.
Self-care strategies can help make sure you’re feeling the best you can in the circumstances. Self-care means different things to different people, so do whatever you need to do to feel more relaxed and grounded.
If you’re feeling emotionally drained, good physical and emotional health can support you. Drink water, eat a well-balanced diet, exercise, and sleep. If you’re taking care of yourself, you will be better able to take care of others. Your well-being directly impacts your ability to assist those around you.
If you can’t do everything you want to do this Christmas, give yourself grace. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that it’s okay if you’re not feeling the way you want to. Just do the best you can.
The holidays may be hard this year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t share meaningful moments with your family. By being open and honest, planning ahead, creating new traditions, and taking care of yourself, you can help your kids navigate this challenging time. What matters most is that you and your family are loved and supported.
