We all know losing isn’t much fun! When we’re playing a game and things aren’t going our way, it can be hard to be a good sport, especially for kids. They may throw their video game controller down, knock over a board game piece, or walk off the field without giving the other team a high five.
Many families are familiar with this situation. In fact, in a 2023 survey of more than 35,000 sports officials, about 69% said that sportsmanship in youth and high school athletics is getting worse.
Good sportsmanship is a valuable skill in navigating school, friendships, and life. Kids who can lose graciously tend to be confident, bounce back quickly from setbacks, and enjoy activities for the process.
To help your kids win, lose, and play with grace, we put together a guide to help encourage them to become good sports:
Acknowledge your kids' feelings
Losing can feel frustrating, disappointing, or even embarrassing. If your kids lose a game, whether it’s a video game, board game, or sports game, let them know that whatever they feel is normal, and it’s okay to feel that way.
Don’t minimize your kids’ feelings by saying, “It’s not a big deal,” or “That game didn’t matter anyway.” Instead, acknowledge and validate their feelings. Try saying, “I can see you’re disappointed,” or “That was a tough loss.” This helps them feel seen and supported.
Address your kids' behavior after emotions settle
If your kids react to losing by yelling, throwing a tantrum, or criticizing their opponents, you don’t need to talk to them about their behavior right away. Emotions can run high right after or during a game, so kids may not be ready to listen.
Later, when your kids feel calmer, you can address any poor sportsmanlike behavior. Help them process what happened, how they felt, and what they might want to do differently next time. You can ask them questions about how they think their behavior made others feel, what they’re proud of accomplishing during the game, and whether they had fun.
Let your kids know that although their feelings are valid, that doesn’t mean their behavior is always right. There are a lot of ways to express their emotions, but it’s never okay to say mean things to others or behave rudely. For example, it’s okay to feel upset that a teammate didn’t pass the ball to you, but it’s not okay to yell at them for it.
In order to calm down, some kids may need to take a break, step away from the game, or practice breathing exercises or other mindfulness techniques.
*Poor sportsmanlike behavior isn’t always about how we react to losing. If your kids respond to a win by gloating or laughing at their opponents, that’s also being a poor sport!
Model positive behavior
Kids learn more from what they see you do than what you say. Adults can demonstrate good sportsmanship by reacting to losing a game the way they’d like their kids to react.
If you’re watching a sports game with your kids, try not to yell at the referees or criticize the athletes’ performances. If you react strongly to a team’s loss, kids will see that.
It can be difficult to stay calm when we feel passionately about something, but keeping perspective shows kids how to do the same. You can say something like, “They’ll have more chances,” or “The other team played really well today.” Avoid personal attacks, even in frustration, and let your kids see you enjoying the game.
If you’re playing a game with your kids, should you let them win? Experts say you shouldn’t trounce them every time — otherwise, the game probably won’t be much fun for them — but allowing your kids to lose in low-stakes situations helps them learn how to cope with those feelings.
You may want to let your kids win so you can demonstrate how to behave when you lose. When this happens, let your kids know what a great job they did and that you might be disappointed by the loss, but you still enjoyed playing the game with them.
Celebrate effort, not outcome
If you only celebrate your kids when they win, losing can be devastating for them. This may create pressure, fear of failure, and anxiety about trying new things. Teach your kids to look at games as learning experiences, regardless of whether they win or lose.
After a game, focus on how hard your kids worked, how they may have improved, and their attitude. By celebrating what your kids can control, like effort, perseverance, and sportsmanship, you demonstrate that value and success are not tied to winning. After all, even if kids play well and try their their hardest, they can still lose, which is an important life lesson.
Character and the habits your kids build through the playing the game are more important than the final score. When kids know they’re valued regardless of performance or outcome, they’re more likely to take risks and enjoy the game.
Learning to lose graciously is a life skill that builds confidence, character, and emotional resilience. When kids are good sports, they learn how to handle disappointment and respect others. Those skills will help your kids grow into kind, respectful people who are willing to try new things!
