How many times have you jumped in to help your kids because you saw them struggling?
Whether they didn’t tie their shoes correctly, forgot to do their homework, or accidentally said something hurtful to a friend, errors and mistakes are part of life. You may want to jump in and protect your kids from experiencing the disappointment, frustration, or embarrassment that can arise in these situations, but if you do that, you could be taking away one of the most valuable learning opportunities they have.
Research shows that students who take time to reflect on and work through errors learn more effectively than those who avoid and ignore them.
We put together a guide to help you understand the importance of letting your kids make mistakes and how to encourage learning opportunities:
What are the benefits of making mistakes?
Teaches perseverance
It’s important to be able to keep going even when things are difficult. When a child doesn’t succeed on the first try, they’re faced with the choice to either give up or try again. If parents immediately step in to fix the problem, kids never learn to work through tough situations.
When kids are given the space to work through challenges, they learn that setbacks are just part of the process. Having perseverance helps kids stick with tasks longer, approach challenges with more confidence, and motivate themselves to keep improving, even when things don’t come easily.
Builds distress tolerance
Distress tolerance is the ability to handle uncomfortable feelings without shutting down or becoming too overwhelmed. When kids feel defeated, disappointed, or discouraged after they make a mistake or something doesn’t go their way, those emotions can be intense.
Experiencing those feelings in safe situations shows kids that emotions are temporary and survivable. Having the space to work through big feelings teaches kids how to manage their feelings, recover from them, and move forward.
Helps develop self-compassion
When things go wrong, kids benefit from being able to treat themselves with kindness instead of self-criticism. When kids make mistakes or do something wrong, their first instinct might be to say, “I’m so bad at this!” or, “I can’t do anything right!”
Instead of jumping in so your kids never make mistakes, you can help them reframe their thinking so instead they might say, “It didn’t go the way I hoped, but I’m still learning,” or, “Everyone makes mistakes, and that’s okay.” This mindset makes kids more willing to step outside their comfort zone, try new things, and take healthy risks.
What can you do to help?
Pause before stepping in
When your kids make a mistake, take a moment before responding so you don’t jump in too quickly or react out of frustration. Let your kids think, reflect, and try to work things out on their own. This encourages independence and helps kids become more aware of their own choices.
Let consequences happen
Not every mistake needs to be fixed! In safe situations, you can allow your kids to experience the consequences of their actions. If they forgot their jacket, they’ll feel cold. If they didn’t prepare for a test, their grade will reflect it.
These moments may be uncomfortable, but they’re safe, real-world experiences, and often practical experience is what’s needed to make a lesson stick. Support your kids and help them reflect afterward, but you don’t have to prevent every misstep.
Acknowledge their feelings
Mistakes often come with negative emotions like frustration and disappointment, making it even more difficult for kids to think clearly. Acknowledge your child’s feelings with statements like, “That was really frustrating,” or, “I can see you’re upset.”
This allows them to feel heard and understood, which helps them be more open to learning from the situation instead of shutting down or becoming defensive. Then, you can reflect on the situation together to determine what they might be able to do differently next time.
Celebrate effort
Praise your kids when they work hard, not just when they succeed. Instead of saying, “You got it right,” you can say, “You kept trying even when it was hard.” Shifting the conversation away from outcomes and toward effort and improvement shows kids that progress matters more than perfection. It encourages kids even when they don’t achieve immediate success.
Advise but don't take over
If your kids run into a problem and you want to help them, don’t just jump in and fix it for them. Instead, try guiding your kids and helping them learn to think the problem through on their own. Ask questions like, “What have you tried so far?” or “Which part is confusing for you?”
Let your kids know you’re there to help if they need it, but resist the urge to direct every step. This helps them feel secure while still giving them the freedom to struggle, try again, and succeed on their own. Over time, kids learn they can handle challenges and become independent problem-solvers.
It may be hard to watch your kids mess up sometimes, but mistakes aren’t something you need to prevent at all costs! Letting your kids make mistakes gives them opportunities to learn and grow while building resilience and independence. When kids learn that mistakes are a natural part of life, they learn how to handle them and keep going with confidence.
